Mar 7, 2021
Hey Fried Fans,
Once in a while, something really gets my goat and I use that as my guide to share what’s on my mind because I know that if it didn’t matter to me, it wouldn’t get my goat - and if it matters to me, it’s likely to matter to you too. (I think).
Someone wrote a Linkedin post that was really great about being okay with having fear and how it’s damaging in the world of coaching and therapy to try to talk people out of how they feel and instead tell them how they should feel. I totally agree. Your reality is yours. Your emotions are real and they count - no matter what you or anyone else thinks you should feel.
So, what got my goat? A commenter. A commenter who said she, and I quote,
“Likes to stay HIGH VIBE, so she stays away from things like FEAR”.
Everybody, turn the volume up a little, and lean in as if you’re about to listen REALLY WELL to what I am about to say:
Normal human responses to life situations don’t make you LOW VIBE. You don’t ‘damage’ your vibrations by experiencing normal human emotions. Now, I’m going to get sciency for a minute because this is one of those instances where what is being said is true and untrue. Changes in emotional states, do actually change your vibrational level - plenty of studies show this. When the neurotransmitters that are related to fear enter a cell, they have a different effect than the neurotransmitters that are related to joy. Those related to fear create more dissonance and chaos and those related to joy bring more resonance and harmony.
But that doesn’t mean that feeling fear during the day is ‘damaging your vibe’. In the same way that small amounts of cortisol (the stress hormone) are good and health enhancing for your body, Chinese medicine has said for 1000’s of years that all emotions in moderation are health promoting. This makes sense because we’d get rid of emotions altogether if they weren’t an efficient way to guide us. The body is designed to be maximally efficient, so it’s best to assume that the bits and pieces it uses to function are necessary and useful.
Here at FRIED we talk a lot about creating space to feel whatever emotions are coming up, in The Bouncebackability Factor, I wrote about a concept called ‘sitting in the muck’, and my intention behind it was to give you permission to FEEL ALL THE FEELS. I have found this to be a massive healing measure that I needed in my own life and I have plenty of clients that agree with this. I even have a course that FOCUSES on resentment because I have seen it proven to me time and time again that when we have permission to dip into tough emotions and a safe structure within which to do so, we can move through and transform these emotions and bring ourselves closer to harmony.
So, all that being said - what does “damage your vibe”? Ignoring, not processing, or otherwise sidestepping difficult emotions. This is called spiritual bypassing and it is all about pretending like the tough stuff doesn’t exist and focusing on “only the good” and “only high vibes”. It’s not healthy, nor is it normal.
If you’re burnt out and someone has told you to go ‘high vibe’ recently - you can ignore them. Permission granted. Whatever it is that you’re feeling, you’re allowed. When you’re done feeling that way, when you’re sick of sitting in the muck, when you’ve had enough and are ready to change the story, I’m here. Until then, be where you are. Don’t worry about your vibe. You’ll get to the point where transformation is a necessity and when you do, you’ll find the right people to help you.
And you will heal.
And after you heal, you’ll still have some shitty feeling days sometimes. Because you’re still living a human experience. And that’s okay too.
Love you.
XO
C
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